In parshas Chayay Sarah it says that Hashem had blessed Abraham with everything. Rashi comments “[The word] ‘everything’ (Hebrew - בַּכֹּל) is numerically equal to ‘son’ (Hebrew - בֵּן) and since he had a son, he had to find him a wife”. In connection with this Abraham talks the situation over with with his top servant and appoints him to act as a marriage broker in this matter. The daughters of the neighboring Canaanites are not to be considered. Rather the servant must travel to Abraham's native land and find a match for Isaac from among his cousins. To add emphasis Avraham has the servant swear by his circumcision to follow his instructions.
To make a good impression the servant takes with him a caravan laden with gifts. He also thinks over the issues and devises an approach that will find a woman who is rich in kindness. The plan works and he finds Rebecca, who is a beautiful virgin. He then gives her expensive gifts and asks to meet her family. Rivka agrees and introduces him to her father, mother, and brother. The servant tells his story and asks that Rivka be betrothed to Yitzchak. The family agrees. When the servant wishes to promptly depart, they request some time to prepare for the wedding. When the servant presses to leave immediately, they ask Rivka for her consent; and she gives it. The couple meet, like what they see, and get married.
The behavior here is in stark contrast to that of Pharaoh and Abimelech, who thinking Sarah was unmarried, simply seized her for their harem. In fact they should have discussed their intentions with Avraham, ostensibly her brother, and her. A courtship would also be desirable.
All of this is an aspect of the covenant, circumcision, and the rectification of the sin of Adam, the first man. It is written that as soon as Eve was brought to Adam he took her. Because of this the serpent got jealous and was able to lead her astray. The serpent in fact was the wisest and had the best qualities from among the animals. A pair of serpents would perform all the work man had to do, plus they would have supplied him with silver, gold, and precious stones. If Adam had wooed Eve until Shabbos, the next day, then married her; the serpent would not have gotten jealous and nobody would have sinned. The saintly mystic Rabbi Yitzchak Luria of blessed memory, adds that with the light of Shabbos they could have even eaten safely from the tree of knowledge.
It comes out that the root of man's sin was having excessive desire which caused him to act impetuously and disastrously. Among the results of this sin was that man grew a foreskin. Because Abraham had learned to be chivalrous, he merited the mitzvah of removing it. There are other problematic lusts for example money or food. However physical lust seems to be the root of evil for the present era.
A person should generally be deliberate in judgement. However when a person meets their soulmate, there can be a real test to keep one’s wits. Even if it's the only one in the world it's still necessary to give things some thought, talk over important issues, consult family, friends, and teachers, and obtain the final consent.
A person can have excessive desire which can even be harmful for good things. Kindness if pushed too far becomes domineering. Long hours without breaks and vacations may make a worker less productive. Excessive devotion to a religious precept can make it into a mockery. In most things the way of balance and moderation is the best.
There is a story, perhaps apocryphal, that when Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin wanted to set up the first yeshiva in modern times, he asked the Vilna Gaon for his approval. He explained it would be like the great Talmudic academies in Sura and Pumbedita, but to his surprise the Gaon refused. A short time later Rabbi Chaim returned saying this would save Judaism and again the Gaon refused. He returned a third time and explained that learning in a cheder was no longer good enough. For today's students formal classes with a curriculum and a dormitory were necessary. With that the Gra gave him his blessing. Rabbi Chaim then asked why he was turned down the other times. The gaon explained the idea was good, but when you start making big exaggerations, it's a sign of failure. If a person is level headed, it's a sign of success.
לע"נ האמא מלכה בת חיים ז"ל נלב"ע טז ניסן תשנ"ח
העלון ניתן לקבל בדואר אלקטרוני וגם באתר http://dyschreiber.blogspot.com
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