יד יוסף: Mishna Brachos 2:5

The fifth Mishna in the second chapter of Brachos states that a groom is excused from saying Shema on his wedding night. On this Philip Blackman comments, “a man who has married a virgin cannot be expected to recite the Shema with due devotion because of anxiety lest he discover that his bride had not been chaste”. Maimonides includes this explanation but adds that the groom is excused from the mitzvah of Shema because he is engaged in another mitzvah, namely to be fruitful and multiply, therefore one who is engaged in one mitzvah is excused from another mitzvah. The Bartenura is similar but adds something that requires great investigation, namely the groom is concerned that his channel will be cut during relations, and this is the relevant mitzvah. In fact the Torah forbids one who has a severed member (כרות שפכה) from marrying a Jewish woman.

The Mishna continues that Rabban Gamliel, scion of major rabbinic family, did say Shema on his wedding night. When asked about it he replied that he cannot accept skipping the acceptance of the kingdom heaven upon himself even for one night. Following Mishnas tell similar stories. In the first of them Rabban Gamliel violates the prohibition against washing while in mourning. When asked, he replies that he is not like most people in that being dirty really bothers him. In another story Rabban Gamliel mourns over the death of his slave even though the halacha is not like this. He explains that this is a special case in that his slave was a very good man therefore he was upset about the loss.

The mishna then follows the reasoning of Rabban Gamliel and says that if a groom wishes to say Shema on his wedding night he is free to do so. However Rabban Shimon the son of Gamliel dissents saying that not everybody is on this level. The commentaries explain this as being pretentious, saying that it is forbidden for a groom to say Shema on his wedding night because if he does so he is claiming to be renowned as a sage and separate from ordinary people, when in fact his saying of Shema is an act of vanity not piety. A giant of Torah can be trusted to perceive the substance of the law through its form. With this they reject the reasoning of Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel and it would seem that the halacha would leave a bridegroom with an option. If he wants to say it he may and if not, not. However, the halacha as it is codified today has an unusual twist. A groom on his wedding night is not excused from Shema rather he is obligated to say it. The reason is because unlike previous generations, ours does not sufficiently pay attention to the words and message of Shema for it to make any difference. Therefore the normal daily practice applies.

The prime purpose of the liturgy is to express basic beliefs and hopes. This though is the realm of those who have a high level of righteousness and wisdom. A secondary purpose is to instill these goals and aspirations into people who do not fully accept them. Among them are those who doven but bristle at the ideas. Never the less they recognize their nobility and benevolence, therefore would like to believe them and accept them as their own personal goals, someday. Also there is a group of people who in fact love these ideals but still have not fully achieved them.

These are the three types of people that the Mishna is discussing. For a giant like Rabban Gamliel saying that there is one G-d and the Torah is from heaven is an idea that he is itching to express. Even when he is very apprehensive, saying Shema Yisrael is a comfort. As a result telling him not say it at times of stress does not help the situation, rather it worsens it. Such a person would say Shema on his wedding night. For those that reluctantly accept Jewish ideals, at times of stress they should be given a break from the indoctrination, because when a person is in a difficult state of mind lofty ideas are not going to sink in anyway. For those that are diligently and sincerely striving to acquire the highest hopes of religion but still haven’t gotten there, at times of stress you can suggest he need not be too hard on himself. However, even if they make an imperfect declaration, it should be accepted with a good heart.

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