בדחילו ורחימו
With trepidation and love
LSD
This blog is about sacred plants stimulating romantic love and elevating it to love of God. It's not an easy topic, but it seems to be what's needed now. To a certain extent it needs to be jumbled and stream of consciousness prose.
How great is the restorative power of LSD?
My mind believes it can be very helpful. My soul believes it can do the impossible.
It seems to me as we deal meaningfully with two statements made by Albert Hoffmann, the father of the psychedelic revolution, the more things will fall into place. They are
1. "I see the true importance of LSD in the possibility of providing material aid to meditation aimed at the mystical experience of a deeper, comprehensive reality". Final statement of Albert Hofmann in his book "LSD — My Problem Child"
2. The questions raised by hallucinogenic drugs do actually belong in the church — in a prominent place in the church, for they are sacred drugs (peyotl, teonanacatl, ololiuhqui), with which LSD is mostly closely related by chemical structure and activity, (ibid p90).
(Albert Hofmann, LSD My Problem Child)
https://youtu.be/xpjYZaDRkw8
Captain of our fairy band,
Helena is here at hand,
And the youth, mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover’s fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
(William Shakespeare, Midsummer's Night Dream)
To understand LSD, its best to view it as love dust in the hands of an angel of Hashem
God spoke to my mother telling her to, "Climb Mount Everest". God spoke to me once. It was in a dream but it was totally real.
I said to her that if you show up with two hits of LSD I'll ask you to marry me. When she smiled and raised her eyebrow in interest, I quickly added, don't do it. She was not my soulmate.
The first LSD trip is probably the most important one and may set the trend for every trip that occurs after it. For me thank God the set and setting was very good. I was with close friends. It was a warm loving group of people who trusted each other.
As the experience became more intense, I started to develop very strong feelings of love. It was basically exhibiting my innate love ability. I started to keep a journal. At first I would repeatedly write the word love on a page and I filled several pages with that one word. Next I combined it with erotic words such as ecstasy, orgasm, and f____.
Next my thoughts turned to my first love, who I was emotionally involved with at the time. She was very pretty, but her character and perception outshined her beauty. She was not Jewish, not inclined to convert to Judaism, and not particularly religious. I was far from being promiscuous. I'd say that her ability to ask this question, sometime later when I was corresponding with her, was what seduced me. It was this, "Do you know who the real David Schreiber is and where can I find him?" I wrote her back replying, "the question is deep and searching, but sadly I do not know the answer". We both went our own separate ways. The question though remained with me. When I moved to Israel, I discovered the answer. It was that you could find the real David Schreiber living in Geula and studying in the Breslav Beis Midrash. Tripping at Rutgers, I wrote her name in large letters and above it I wrote "irreconcilable".
The LSD intensified. As it did I wrote love and errotic words largely using a page for each phrase. Continuing I wrote "ecstasy" than "orgasm". I scribbled on a page than as if I had found the source of happiness in life, I wrote, "Love and a f____". As I peaked on the LSD I giggled then wrote, "f____ you God". I was immediately shocked. I loved religion, religious studies, religious observance. How could I write or even think something as vulgar as that? It was extremely disturbing, it remained with me and I pondered it often.
Years later I discussed it with a friend and confidant. He was a rabbi from a prominent distinguished rabbinic family. I had discussed sacred plants with him more than once. When I went to Amsterdam to take psychedelic mushrooms, with my father I gave him the details. My father phoned me not long after I peaked. There was some concern on his part. I was a little irritated because it was clear that the effects were beneficial. We had a short conversation, which thank God, went well. The next morning my friend called me as well. He too was concerned. I was happy to hear from him and assured him that everything was fine.
Anyway I discussed the difficult comment I had made when I peaked on my first trip on LSD. I said I had come up with two interpretations of it. The favorable one was that I really did desire intimacy with י-ה-ו-ה along the lines of its descriptions in The Song of Songs, Psalm 45, and the romantic section in the book of Isaiah. Draw me after You and I will run, the king brought me into his Chambers, we will be revealed and ecstatic. We will be happy in you. Your love possesses me more than wine. Sincerely do I love you.
However, there was a dark interpretation of what I wrote. I explained that I did not believe I would ever get married and that this was a decree from heaven. Even when I was successfully wooing a woman, when I would reach for the diamond, the angel of God would push my hand into the fire, like the Midrash about Moshe Rabenu. As such I harbored a smoldering resentment and this is where it came out.
I entered through the door I had unlocked years later into the room of intimacy with Havaya, May He be blessed. I felt an intense feeling of jealousy coming from God. This was real. It was not clear whether the meditation that followed was in the playground of my imagination or a harbinger of things to come. As a meditation it was a good one. As a reality it sparked very mixed feelings among them, dread.
In any case He told me that my request for the girl had been granted. However it was not as I had thought it would be. It was not a shidduch date, a classmate, neighbor, or coworker. Rather it was a friend or teacher giving me their beautiful beloved daughter to me as a love gift, as a way to draw me closer to them, and the things that they held most dear. It was like Yisro giving Tzippora to Moshe Rabenu because he loved and respected him. As such I should reciprocate with love and appreciation towards my friend for giving me such a wonderful gift. What God was telling me that as intense as the love of the girl may be, I should never lose sight that she was a love gift from heaven and should behave accordingly.
To further elucidate the Holy One, blessed be He, assumed the form of my mother at the times I was the object of her jealousy. My mother was constantly bugging me to get married. However the girls she introduced me to were always unattractive and unappealing. She did not want me to love my wife more than I loved her.
It reminded me of a time when I was living in Geula and studying at a yeshiva. A conversation with one of the rabbis threw me into a state of being intensely love sick. My roommate took note and commented that HaKadosh Baruch Hu once said to King David concerning Bathsheva, sometimes I think you love her more than you love me. I thought to myself that is not true. However much I love this girl, I love religion more, even though it does not look like that right now.
The vision became more extreme with Hashem assuming the form of my wife and a very jealous one at that. She said her love relationship with me was far greater than the one with my soulmate. She would even be better in bed. Just the same my soulmate was mine. However I should beware lest the Shechinah cry out to me like Sarah emanu cried out to Abraham, I gave you my handmaiden in your arms and this is what happened.
You should love religion with your whole heart. You should dedicate your life to it and use everything that is best in you in its pursuit. The five books of Moses, the words of the prophets, and the inspired words of the righteous should be in your heart. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are comfortable in your home or when you are traveling, when you are going to sleep and when you are getting up. They should be adornments like a ring on your finger, a patch on your shoulder, a feather in your hat. You should write them at the entrances to your cities and on the walls of your home. This is not a difficult commandment. It is to be found in the values you hold most dear and the texts you love the most.
############
EXCHANGE OF EMAILS WITH A PROHIBITIONIST FRIEND:
P: Yeah, LSD did wonders for Kenny Foti when he kicked out the glass window at the Blue Horizon, severely cutting his leg. I shall not be prosecuting anymore, but if it were to happen, I would gladly prosecute LSD users.
Yoseph: Then again Suzie did show up in a hurry at the student health center to give Foti a lot of tender loving care. She may be a dubious prize, but they are still married and he does love her dearly.
Not detailed in the essay was that on our first trip, Slim, Foti, Anagnost, and I, visited the girls of the Blue Horizon at Douglas. Barb Watson happened to be there too. I continued my journal there, using Barb's notebook. They asked what I was writing, it was basically more of the same. Throwing caution and common sense to the wind, I let everyone read it. When the night was over, I left it there.
The next morning, when I was in a more rational state of mind, I promptly drove there to retrieve the notebook. Barb answered the door and with a smile said, I thought that you'd come back for it and handed me the notebook. As soon as she shut the door I opened it. On the first page was a stick it note, in which she had written that I should not be embarrassed, because we all feel that way, too. I was moved to tears that she had been so thoughtful. She and Slim later got married.
Was LSD a factor in these two marriages happening. I'd say certainly with Ken & Suzie and probably with Slim and Barb.
Put that in your jail cell and smoke it!
